With Jake's Heart

June 3, 2019

Suicide Prevention Day

September 10th, 2016 was the day I created this blog. It’s hard to grasp how much has changed since then. It’s even harder to grasp how much hasn’t changed since then. I remember sitting on a bed that is no longer mine in a room…
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June 3, 2019

2 Years

How can two years feel like an eternity and 10 minutes all at once? We added numbers and figures to time thousands of years ago to orient ourselves in the space we occupy. Why then, does time feel like the most disorienting thing in my…
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June 3, 2019

23

Jakey, I woke up this morning wondering if the Sun missed you as the planets passed by this year, wondering if its rays searched for you in unfamiliar faces like I do in crowded places, if it’s beams noticed when it had started retracing it’s…
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October 10, 2017

A Year of Love and Loss

Dear Jake, Today is a hard day to describe, but then again, I bet you know that. It feels like both 9 minutes and 9 years since my heart has had the privilege of beating in sync with yours. The overwhelming wave of trauma, grief,…
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October 10, 2017

National Siblings Day

This morning I did what I usually do. I opened my eyes, rolled over a few times, reached out for Lucy, and eventually picked up my phone. I headed to Facebook (as I too often do), and my thumb did what it does so well,…
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June 3, 2019

Happy Birthday, Bro

Happy Birthday to you,  Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday my Jakey, Happy Birthday to you. Your first birthday in heaven. The first birthday since the day you were born that I don’t get to sing to you.  I woke up this morning missing you…
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June 3, 2019

Let’s Talk

It’s been five months since I’ve kissed your face. Five months since that last time I would ever hold you close to my heart. I got married without you in October. I walked down that aisle and until I got to my beautiful Ju the…
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June 3, 2019

60 Days

Two months. Two months since I touched your face. Two months since I said I love you to the back of your head as you walked into moms house. I wish I knew the exact time. That precise last minute and image is so hazy now,…
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October 10, 2017

World Suicide Prevention Day

I woke up this morning not knowing how to approach today. I still don’t, if we’re being honest. I’m still navigating my way through each minute I’m awake with a heart that is so raw it sits uncomfortably in my chest, beating hard enough, sometimes,…
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